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Hooking upward with a friend can be a lot of fun. After all, you already know y'all like them! Before yous hook up, only be clear about what your expectations and boundaries are. Don't worry, information technology doesn't have to be a long, deep conversation. Only let your friend know what y'all're interested in. Start flirting with them, and if they seem into it, see where things become. Retrieve that it's important to protect both your emotional and physical safety. You lot can exercise that by being honest and keeping lines of communication open. Too, remember to take fun!

  1. i

    Make up one's mind if you are okay with an informal sexual human relationship. Hooking up may sound fun and easy, but it rarely comes without emotions. Information technology's piece of cake to become caught up in the moment and hook up without really thinking it through. Only endeavor to recollect clearly about how you will feel the adjacent day. If yous anticipate feeling adept about your conclusion, go for it![1]

    • If you lot feel like you might get embarrassed, feel bad-mannered, or any other negative emotion, consider not hooking up with your friend.
    • It's normal to have a lot of different feelings after you hook up with someone. That'south okay! Just know going into it that a casual claw up is sometimes but a one-time matter.

  2. 2

    Let your friends know that y'all are looking for something coincidental. You don't have to tell everyone you know, but telling a few people that you are looking for some casual fun can assist set you upwards for success. Hopefully, if you're interested in a particular friend, the word will go back to them. If yous're open up to a friendly hook upwards with a couple of different people, this might inspire one of them to approach you. It will also be easier for you to propose a claw up if your friend already knows you're open to it. They'll probable be less surprised.[2]

    • When you're out with a grouping you lot can driblet this data into the conversation. Attempt, "Sounds like you lot had fun last weekend! I'd love to have a no-strings-attached affair like that with someone cool."

  3. 3

    Talk to your friend nearly your expectations. Earlier hooking upward, take a infinitesimal to explicate to your friend what y'all want. This doesn't have to be a long, in-depth talk. But earlier things become physical, brand information technology clear that you are looking for a casual hook upwardly, non a relationship.[3] [iv]

    • Yous could endeavour, "I'm actually into you lot, but before nosotros get any further, you should know that I'm not looking to date yous. Is it okay with yous if this is just some casual fun?"

  4. four

    Clearly country your boundaries to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Let the other person know if there are things that you are not comfortable with. This might include physical acts or talking to others about the claw upward. If you state your boundaries upfront, this can forbid things feeling bad-mannered mid-hookup.[v]

    • Say something like, "I'm into hooking up with you, only I'1000 non into actually having sex, okay?"
    • You could likewise try, "Can we keep this betwixt the 2 of us, please?"

  5. v

    Tell someone where you'll be every bit a safety measure. Fifty-fifty when you're hooking up with a friend, you demand to take steps to ensure your personal safety. Let a friend know where y'all'll be, who y'all're with, and ask if they can bank check in on y'all at a certain fourth dimension. It's always ameliorate to be safe than sorry! This is specially important if yous've been drinking booze since that can impair your judgment.[half-dozen]

    • Transport a close friend a text that says something like, "Hey, I'm leaving this party to get to Brad'south. He and I are going to hang by ourselves for a while. Would y'all mind checking in with me around midnight to make sure I fabricated it habitation okay?"
    • Even if y'all're not planning on hooking up, it's a good idea to permit someone know where you are whenever you lot're out at night or venture abroad from the group y'all went out with.

  6. 6

    Practice safe sex to avert STDs or unwanted pregnancy. If yous want a hook upwardly to just be fun and coincidental, take intendance to make sure that you aren't left with any unwanted furnishings. Use condoms if you lot intend to take sexual practice, even oral sex. If you lot're female person, you lot might consider taking additional nascence control.[seven]

    • If the other person doesn't want to use a condom, it'south probably not a good idea to hook up with them.

  1. 1

    Choose a friend that you lot don't want a human relationship with. If you've been harboring a shell on one of your friends, information technology might sound like a good thought to try to hook up with them. But remember, a friends with benefits relationship might not go whatever farther than that. If you're really interested in pursuing a relationship with someone, try to date them instead of just starting a hook up relationship. Instead, attempt flirting with a friend that you like, but don't want a more traditional human relationship with.[viii]

    • If yous have a crush on someone in your friend group, you lot might recall twice before hooking up with another mutual friend. The discussion might spread, and and so your beat volition never know you're interested in them.

  2. ii

    Flirt with your friend so that they know you are interested. It can exist difficult to transition out of the "friend zone", so you'll need to make an try to send signals to your friend. Try belongings their center contact for but a moment or and then longer than normal and so that they are sure to detect you lot. You lot can also discover ways to initiate physical contact. Try leaning forward and touching their mitt to emphasize a indicate they are making. You can likewise gently brush your foot against theirs if you lot're sitting side by side to each other.[9]

    • You can as well try sending a flirty text like, "I couldn't help simply notice you lot looked great this evening. Can't wait to see you at the party tomorrow!", or similar.
    • If your friend pulls away from you, or seems offended or uninterested, back off. You lot don't want to put any pressure on them.

  3. iii

    Talk openly most your boundaries and expectations. Peradventure things volition get your way right off the bat. Before you know it, you and your friend might be kissing. But before it goes any further, take a minute to let them know what you are looking for. Explain what your personal and physical boundaries, and what you want to become from hooking up with them.[ten]

    • You can say, "This is fun. Just then you know, I'm not looking to really date anyone right now. Are y'all fine hooking upwardly as friends?"
    • You could too say, "I like my ain space, so if you don't mind, I don't like to have people sleep over."
    • Some other good matter to explain is if you lot would prefer if they don't hook upwardly with anyone else while you two are intimate.

  4. 4

    Apply sense of humor to combat any awkwardness. Fifty-fifty though yous know each other, information technology might feel uncomfortable when you first become physical. Try joking around to lighten the mood. You can also merely acknowledge whatsoever discomfort that you might feel.[xi]

    • You could say something silly like, "I would have done this sooner if I knew kissing y'all would exist like this!"
    • You tin can besides but say, "Um, I'm enjoying this a lot, but it's a trivial bad-mannered, isn't it?" That can really lighten the mood.

  5. 5

    Accept "no" every bit an reply if the other person is non interested. If y'all've flirted and mayhap fifty-fifty suggested a claw upward, you might presume your friend is into it. However, if they say "no" or make whatever other sort of excuse, you need to respect that. While you might experience disappointed, your friend has a right to make this decision.[12]

    • Exist gracious and just say, "That's absurd. I promise this won't injure our friendship."

  6. 6

    Sympathise that hooking upward can change your friendship. Before hooking upwardly, reverberate on your friendship. Ask yourself questions about how you lot would experience if it changed, and what it means to you. If you lot decide that you aren't willing to risk your friendship, consider finding someone else to hook up with. For better or worse, your friendship will probably be different than it was pre-hookup.[13] [14]

    • You might discover that this is a fun, heady new element of your friendship that makes y'all even closer. It could too turn into a more than traditional relationship.
    • Unfortunately, it might turn out to be bad-mannered and uncomfortable. Even worse, it could potentially end your friendship. Be prepared to bargain with that it you get forward with hooking up.

  1. 1

    Check-in with your ain emotions frequently. Equally your hook up relationship continues, information technology's of import to make certain that you are still comfortable and enjoying yourself. Take stock of your emotions regularly, maybe every week or 2. Ask yourself if you're happy with the mode your friendship has changed. Make information technology a indicate to detect if you feel sad or uncomfortable.[15]

    • If you're happy, neat! Conduct on. If you're experiencing negative emotions, y'all might consider stopping hooking up.

  2. 2

    Talk honestly well-nigh your feelings. Even though you and your friend aren't in a traditional relationship, information technology'due south all the same helpful to communicate.[sixteen] This can help yous both work through any issues that you're having. Whenever you lot feel the need, allow the other person know how this is working out for y'all.[17]

    • You lot tin try proverb something like, "I'thousand really having fun with you. How are you feeling about hooking up?"
    • Y'all could likewise say, "I feel like things are kind of awkward at present when we hang out in a grouping. I recall we should finish hooking upwards."

  3. three

    Let a relationship to develop if yous both want it to. You might realize that you are interested in beingness more than friends with benefits. If that'due south the instance, tell your friend how y'all feel. As well, be open and honest if your friend initiates the conversation well-nigh taking things further. If you both want more, talk over what that means to each of you.[eighteen] [19]

    • For example, yous might both determine that you want to formalize your relationship. That might mean that y'all tell other people that you are dating. It could also mean that you start spending more than time together doing other things you relish.
    • Your relationship is up to you and your friend, and you are the but ones that have the right to define information technology.

Add New Question

  • Question

    How do yous inquire a friend for a casual hookup?

    Jessica Engle, MFT, MA

    Jessica Engle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Motorcoach in 2009, afterwards receiving her Main'southward in Counseling Psychology. Jessica is also a licensed Matrimony & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over 10 years of experience.

    Jessica Engle, MFT, MA

    Relationship Coach

    Expert Answer

    It's really helpful to talk nearly information technology openly with your friend. Talk near what you're both wanting or expecting, and also hash out what you'd do if one of you lot decided you didn't want to continue a concrete or romantic relationship.

  • Question

    Can you still exist friends with someone you hook up with?

    Jessica Engle, MFT, MA

    Jessica Engle is a relationship motorcoach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Expanse. She founded Bay Area Dating Motorbus in 2009, afterwards receiving her Master's in Counseling Psychology. Jessica is too a licensed Wedlock & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over ten years of experience.

    Jessica Engle, MFT, MA

    Relationship Coach

    Expert Respond

    Relationships are always changed when you lot add a concrete or romantic component. However, that change can be really lovely, and for some people it actually deepens the friendship. For others, they find that'due south not what they want to do with their friends, only the key to navigating that is to have open up communications.

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  • Don't worry nearly what other people remember. This relationship is betwixt you lot and your friend.

  • Information technology's okay to end hooking upwards whenever you want to.

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